I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
