I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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