...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
