Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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