I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
