he puts the penis in happiness.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
