I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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