brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
