Will you blow on my dice?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
