Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
