I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
