2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
