Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
