I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
