hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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