bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
