we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
