Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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