I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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