I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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