I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
