Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
