So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
