She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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