i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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