Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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