this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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