I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Michael Bay diarrhea
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
