That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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