You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I currently don't understand fingers.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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