Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
