you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
