You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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