It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
