i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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