they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
