google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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