matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
