She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Mom said you looked used
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
