she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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