You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
