By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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