I skipped work to stalk him.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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