boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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