8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
