Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
