Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
