I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
