all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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