If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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