we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
