It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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