Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
