I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My liver just had a heart attack.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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