This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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