the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
