he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
