I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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