Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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