are you still at the devil's house?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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