but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
