I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm passing your future prison.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
