Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Randomize
