Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
