i wish peter jackson would direct porn
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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