Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
