better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
