Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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