Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
