I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
