May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
