there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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