Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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