her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
