Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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