The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize