If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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