So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's the barista slut.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
