Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
