i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We got so high we made milksteak
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
