Kiss
Puke
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
