I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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